IMG_4396

Small Things Matter

Sharing some thoughts about a lovely morning that my husband and I experienced three years ago because I didn’t get anything new written this week.

“Sunday Morning Submission”                 Lisa Frisch                            June 22, 2014

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21

Here’s what mutual submission looked like in our home and marriage this morning.  My husband and I were sitting at the breakfast table when five “beeps” from the microwave indicated that my tea was ready.  He quickly got up, retrieved my cup for me, and resumed eating his cereal.  Then, while he was in the shower, I noticed that the Sunday newspaper was in the driveway.  Knowing what an important part of his morning the paper is, I went out and got it, took off the bag and rubber band, and laid it on the kitchen table before heading upstairs to get ready for church.  While I was showering, he made our bed, a chore that is mine on weekdays.  As I entered the bedroom, I remembered that he leaves on a business trip tomorrow and asked if he needed any laundry done today.  Never mind that I was glad the answer was “no” since I don’t usually do laundry on Sundays.

Here’s why these small things, done with the other person’s comfort and happiness in mind, are so important.  Having him get my tea for me and make our bed made me feel loved and cared for.  Not having to go out for his newspaper and realizing that I would help him prepare for his trip gave him the assurance that his needs are important to me.  Neither of us demanded or even asked the other to perform these acts.  But, by doing so, we have built a foundation of loving trust that our spouse is looking out for us and wants to add to our contentment.  That becomes very important when any sort of conflict or difficult decision arises.  At that time, each of us can be sure that the other is not only concerned about his/her opinion or desire, but that there is goodwill toward the other and an intention to seek and do what is best for both of us.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
 Philippians 2:4

Please follow and like us:
IMG_4396

…and he brought her to the man.

We’re celebrating the April 1 wedding of our son Eric to sweet Amanda.  Adding to the joy is the appreciation of how our family and hers have easily connected in friendship.  We look forward to the future that the newlyweds have together.

As Providence would have it, this wedding was completely unforeseen, for it is the second time Eric has been a groom.  I have great admiration for Eric and profound thanksgiving to God as I remember the dark tunnel that my son passed through on his way to the glorious celebration of today.  By God’s grace, truest friends and precious family members have supported and prayed for Eric and now rejoice with us in the love he has found.

Here we are with our new daughter-in-law and two sons in the spot where the couple made their vows to each other.  I took this photo along today as I visited a 1st Grade Class with a Winners Walk Tall lesson.  Earlier in the year, I illustrated the  lesson on Reaching Goals With a Plan by sharing Eric’s life story of working hard at school to graduate from high school and college, of practicing instruments to reach his goal of a music career, and of making friends at church and school who helped him become the man he wanted to be.  Now, I wanted to share this marriage milestone, but felt that if I left out the heartbreak of his life I could miss an opportunity to acknowledge sadness that some surely live in. The Lord gave me these words to truthfully fill in the gap:

This picture is from a happy day, but there are times when life’s not that way.

Eric got married once before, but the two had trouble and got a divorce.

It made us and Eric oh so sad.  But he didn’t give up;  lots of faith Eric had.

Then Eric met Amanda and friendship grew.  They fell in love and soon they knew

that they never wanted to be apart – that they loved each other with all their hearts.

So they became husband and wife, and promised to love for the rest of their life. 

 

Please follow and like us:
IMG_4396

6 Ways to Energize Your Marriage

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I just don’t understand why my husband doesn’t (insert pet peeve here)!” or asking “How in the world did we get to such a crazy place in our marriage?”  Earlier this month, I led another group of wives through the video-based marriage course called “Respectfully Yours”.  There are two main reasons why I keep on offering to do this.  The first is that I can’t get enough of helping women gain insight into a very common reason for marital tension.  Secondly, as I keep on leading, I also keep on personally taking in this effective and encouraging teaching from Love and Respect Ministries.  Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, his wife Sarah, and their daughter Joy, present a challenging message to wives.  Those of us who have ears to hear it learn something very important about men and about ourselves.  And when we accept the challenge given, we find our marriages energized!

Here’s a crash course.  Research has revealed that if a marriage includes two things – love and respect – it has a great chance of lasting.  Husbands and wives need both of these elements.  But during a conflict, most women identify as feeling unloved, while most men feel disrespected.  What makes it CRAZY is that when she feels unloved, she negatively reacts in a way that feels disrespectful to him.  And when he feels disrespected, he negatively reacts in a way that feels unloving to her.

At this point, I want so badly to share all the things I have learned during a dozen times through “Respectfully Yours”, but this is a crash course entitled “A Different Approach.”  So here it is.

I’ll identify 3 things a wife can do to keep from unintentionally showing disrespect to her husband.

  1. Recognize that men and women are different by design.  Don’t blame him for not always understanding or dismiss him as uninterested in resolving issues.
  2. Be careful to say what you need to say with respectful words, tone, and facial expression at a time when both of you are calm.  Remember “It’s not what you say.  It’s how you say it.”
  3. Resist the temptation to point out his flaws or failures in front of your kids, parents, relatives, and friends.

Oh, how I want to keep going, but I’ll move on to 3 practical, proactive, and possibly surprising  things you can do as a wife to meet your husband’s need for respect.

  1. Be friendly!  Sadly, many husbands feel like their wives don’t like them.  Greet him at the door to show him you’re glad he’s home.  Smile more!
  2. Show how much you appreciate him by saying thank you.
  3. Recognize that while women love face-to-face talking, men often enjoy what Dr. Eggerichs calls shoulder-to-shoulder communication.  Just hang out with him while he’s working on a project or hobby and keep talking to a minimum.

Once again, I have to make myself stop at three suggestions, but if you give this different approach a try,  you may very well find your husband energized and your marriage moving in a positive direction.

If you want to know more about the effect of love and respect in marriage, please check out the free content (blog posts, videos, podcast episodes) on the ministry’s website.   You’ll also find downloadable content and books for purchase.  Perhaps I’ll see you in a future “Respectfully Yours” class.  That would truly make my joy complete.

“Ephesians 5:33 (ESV) However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. ”

 

Please follow and like us: