It was a last minute addition to my music list, a song I had only heard a few times, with a message I liked, and a melody that would fit nicely into my mix of worshipful music, music that might quiet my mind and lull me to sleep in my hospital bed.
Perhaps because it was the first song in the playlist; perhaps I listened to it during a particularly difficult hour, imprinting the voice and melody as an association with post-surgery pain; perhaps the words of the chorus just made a big impact on me. Whatever the reason, understood or not, I have had the same little snippit of the song “Different” by Micah Tyler on auto repeat in my head for a month and a half! Be still, EARWORM! On occasion, mercifully, I notice that one of two other songs from the same playlist has surfaced to attempt annoyance.
I had only anticipated spending three or four nights in the hospital, but having had trouble sleeping for months ahead of the surgery, I made preparations to deal with long hard nights, should they come. I packed snacks, Breathe Right strips, earplugs, and music. The ear plugs definitely came in handy, quieting the sounds of my roommate’s phone calls and television, muffling the noisy helicopters as they landed and took off from the pad outside my window, helping me sleep so soundly between frequent nurse and doctor visits that I was once quite startled by a touch on my shoulder and the words, “Mrs. Frisch?”
Cleveland Clinic room view
Even in the much quieter setting at the acute rehab facility where I spent 18 days, the earplugs, plus some requested Benadryl, helped me get the rest I needed. Still, earplugs are of little use when it is my own words or thoughts that need to be silenced.
Belmont Community Hospital room view
One evening, a night or two after my surgery, surgery that successfully rid me of the tumor in my back, but left me barely able to move in bed during my seven days in Cleveland Clinic, even the presence of my supportive husband at my bedside didn’t calm the negative, fearful feelings inside me. He, after all, had his own concerns about my future, wondering to what extent the nerves running from my back, through my hip, and down to my left foot had been damaged, and to what degree I would recover normal functions.
That evening, I had the good sense to suggest we listen to praise music, turning it on almost before he agreed, singing along with songs of faith while tears streamed down my face, releasing so many emotions, remembering that I still believed, as I did on the day of my diagnosis, that God knew when the tumor started to grow, that I would have surgery, that it would be difficult, resulting in numbness and weakness , but that in my weakness, HE WOULD BE STRONG.
As I remained in the hospital, listening to such meaningful music, singing softly or in my heart about God’s love and faithfulness – this was my way of praying. And in answer to the prayers of the people who love me, I was able to know the presence of God in my MANY MOMENTS OF BEING STILL.
Regarding that earworm, defined in this Scientific American article as a “generally benign form of rumination…” that plagues about 92% of the population, I guess there are worse things than to have words such as these on repeat in my brain:
“I wanna be different; I wanna be changed,
till all of me is gone and all that remains
is a fire so bright that the whole world can see
that there’s something different.
So, come and be different in me.”
(from “Different” by Micah Tyler)
Or these words from Kirk Franklin’s song, “Just as Sure,” recorded by Tori Kelly:
“Just as sure as the test
is there to make me perfect in your eyes,
it may hurt for a while,
but by faith I shall survive.”
Or this from my favorite of the three earworms, “Counting Every Blessing,” by Rend Collective:
I am counting every blessing,
counting every blessing,
Letting go and trusting what I cannot see.
I am counting every blessing,
counting every blessing,
Surely every season You are good to me.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith
produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finish its work so
that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4