Fear Less

Mom Sees Danger Everywhere As Daughter Leaves: I rarely read Dear Abby, but couldn’t resist checking out her answer to this worried mother of a 21 year old who is heading to medical school six hours from home. Mom admits, “Rationally, I know she’ll be fine, but I’m terrified that something will happen to her….There is danger everywhere.” Abby explains that while it is normal for parents to experience some fear when a child or young adult leaves home, Mom is overreacting. Tragedies can happen at home as well as far away. “These incidents are magnified when they dominate the news cycle.” .

Do you feel like there is danger everywhere? I am not unsympathetic. I appreciate Abby’s realistic words about tragedies and suspect that Mom’s separation anxiety is fueling the fear. She knows that her daughter and husband’s words, “Nothing will happen,” cannot guarantee safety.

But, notice Mom’s use of the word rational, meaning “based on or in accordance with reason or logic.” Fear can be rational. I am not a swimmer. Therefore, I am afraid of being over my head in water.

When a clear and present danger is present, fear is our friend. 

The trouble is, so often we feel afraid of things that could happen, things that have happened to someone else, things we fear we could not handle. Awareness of potential danger can cross over into irrational fear. We need to employ reason and logic when confronted by the slight possibility of disaster and to have confidence that God will provide for our needs, especially in the midst of trouble.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,

my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm. 18:2)

Ignorance is bliss. I’m not promoting ignorance. We have a responsibility, especially as parents, to be aware of danger and to protect our children. However, if I had not heard of an airplane crashing into a house, I may not have felt irrational fear whenever I heard a low flying plane approaching. If I had not heard of a car crash caused by a flying semi-truck tire, I may not have tensed every muscle when passing a truck. Not only have these things not happened to me or my loved ones, they rarely happen at all. Someone has calculated that there is a 1 in 20 million chance of having a plane crash into your house.  And, while it’s tempting to do so, there is no logic in fearing things beyond our control.

What we CAN control. We will hear of tragedy. We will learn of dangers. We will encounter illness and death. How can we keep from being terrified? I have a few suggestions.

1. 1.  Recognize what triggers your fear. Could it be that your friends often talk about danger and tragedy? If so, could you change the topic to something more positive or leave the situation? Do Amber alerts on your cell phone fuel your fear of your child being abducted? Perhaps those should be turned off. Does watching news reports of disaster replay over and over breed fear in your spirit? Turn off the TV and enjoy some activities with your loved ones.  Are you afraid of storms? My husband and I had dinner with a 9 year old, his mom, and his stepdad. The boy was very nervous about the possibility of a storm. It was difficult for him to enjoy the evening because he was watching radar images on his cell phone. When he was away from the table, his stepdad told us his son fears storms. He understood, having feared clowns when he was a kid. “But”, he said, “I did not have a device that alerted me every time a clown might be in the vicinity.”
   2.   Be aware of overstatements. Abby’s letter writer proclaimed, “There is danger everywhere.” Having that mindset will bring fear. I hear grandparents say that they fear for their grandchildren growing up in this world. Some young couples have concluded that things are so bad, they don’t want to bring children into this world. Daily we read statements in social media that vilify whole groups of people based on ethnicity, gender, religion, politics, or which way they install toilet paper! We often allow our minds to leap to conclusions about the future.
   3.  Accept that life does have some difficulty. I’ve found that actually dealing with problems when they happen is usually easier than I thought it would be when I was worrying about it ahead of time. It is a shame that we often ruin a perfectly good day by fretting about tomorrow. When trouble comes, we are wise to seek the One who helps. “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me.” (Psalm 50:15)
   4. Recognize fear as a tactic. Fear is a marketing tool. Are you afraid of a home break in, getting heart disease, or looking old? We have a product for that! Fear is a politicking tool. Need I say more? Fear is sometimes used by parents to get children to behave. Dear moms, I truly sympathize with your fear of losing a child and know that kids need to be aware of strangers. But, I cringe when I hear a parent yell at a kid who is a few steps away from them in the mall, “Do you want someone to take you?”
   5. Cast your fears on God. 
      The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. (Psalm 34:7)
      For more encouragement, please read Many Dangers, Toils, and Snares,  Don’t Be Afraid,  and Growing Up With Our Kids.