A Happier New Year

There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for a while. The topic fits well into the transition between 2019 and 2020 and my wishes for you to “Have a Happy New Year!” But I’m a bit uncomfortable with telling you HOW to have a happier new year, unless I address myself first. So here goes.

Dear Lisa,

You have some choices to make if you are going to be happier in 2020. It will involve breaking some habits, changing some attitudes, and choosing JOY.

Think about what you’ve learned in 2019. There have been circumstances that could have sapped you of hope and happiness. Yet, you put your trust in God and moved forward. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fast, but you did it, knowing that it is the trials in life that bring us to deeper faith and more maturity. They help us to understand the challenges that others face and to take each day as it comes with thanksgiving.

Here’s an interesting thought, though. Why is it that in the bigger problems, in situations where you have very little control, on really tough days, you have peace; while on an ordinary, mundane day when there’s really nothing wrong, you sometimes struggle to muster a positive outlook?

Think about what you have learned in 2019. And don’t forget what you have told others.

A WINNING ATTITUDE – The 1st Graders quickly rejected the idea of giving up. When you gave them the little papers with the words I CAN’T on them, they were quite confused and a little disturbed. In fact, some suggested that we tear off the “T” and make it “I CAN.” The boys and girls loved crumpling the papers and throwing them in the trash can, replacing the defeatist attitude with “I’ll do my best. I’ll try. I can.” Never give up.

DON’T PET YOUR PEEVES – Remember how enlightening it was to read Max Lucado’s article about pet peeves? He based the concept on Ephesians 4:2, “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  You could relate to some of the frustrations people have with each other, husband with wives, wives with husbands, people we work with, people we go to church with, strangers. Lucado said, “There is a way the world should run. And when others behave in ways we don’t like, we call that a pet peeve. Not a colossal divide or hostile rivalry or legal violation. Just a pet peeve. A pet (smallish, personal, individual) peeve (quirk, peculiarity). A Pet peeve.”

It seems to me that, especially on social media, people are somewhat proud of their pet peeves, especially ones that are common, often relating to the people we live with. What is it in us that likes to choose sides about these things?

Lucado’s words really hit home when he pointed out that it is the person who is peeved who suffers. You can tell because we say say the thing “gets under our skin” or “gets on our nerves” or that a person is a “pain in the neck.” We’re doing it to ourselves. Trading JOY for irritation. And don’t forget, Lisa, about the Ping-Pong Ball illustration Lucado used. “Suppose a basket of Ping-Pong balls represents your daily quota of happiness. Each aggravation, if you allow it, can snatch a ball out of your basket.” Whether it’s said out loud or just a thought that you “pet,” taking note of someone else’s quirk or annoying action or opinion causes the “joy balls” to vanish, leaving you without JOY.  Who? You.

And, Lisa, take it easy on yourself. Yes, you have some peeves with yourself. Remember when you said (and meant), “One of the things I don’t like about myself is that I use too many Ziploc bags.” Sure, it has become a joke since then, but bearing with your self-perceived shortcomings will increase your happiness.

ENJOY YOUR DIFFERENCES – Wasn’t it great to lead married couples “Round the Bases to a Better Marriage” this year? Remember when Matt Loehr talked about being patient and accepting of your spouses quirks, the things they do or fail to do that annoy you, while working on your own quirks, lessening the irritating patterns that you have. As Max Lucado put it, “Happiness is less an emotion and more a decision, a decision to bear with one another.”

Both are right, even though they differ.

Yes, they are.

CHOOSE JOY – There are a lot of choices to be made in life. This two-word exhortation feels either obvious (Who wouldn’t choose joy?) or impossible (My circumstances don’t allow for joy.) But think about it. If JOY is one of the choices, what is the other? Anger? Unforgiveness? Worry? A critical spirit? Victim-hood? Selfishness? Greed? Self-pity? These things can be easy to slip into. JOY is worth the effort.

…be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. (from one of Paul’s letters to early Christians – 1 Thessalonians 5:14-18)

To read Don’t Pet The Peeves” from Max Lucado, CLICK HERE.

To learn more about Round The Bases to a Better Marriage, CLICK HERE.